I’m trying

I haven’t posted in awhile because I wanted some good news to post. But since things aren’t going to change for me for at least another year, I just needed to talk. It seems that there is no help for me to be able to move out. I still owe another year on my car and I won’t be able to claim my ex’s social security for another year. I prayed about my situation and told God I would not get worried about my situation here that I would lean on him. It seems as though I have something to learn here as it seems that my daughter-in-law is allowing me to stay it seems. I know she likes the work I do here for her, so it seems I need to humble myself a little more before her. I am not worried I’m just so sad this is how my life is ending. I worked so hard all my life and because of a man who chose to cheat me out of everything I worked for, I have nothing to show for it. I’m sad because I am so naïve about people and their deceitfulness. I’m very sad that I have to live here and see the mistreatment of my grandson and not be able to say a word. It breaks my heart to know he is still in trouble from not doing some work at school last week. He has done all of it and has caught up, but for the last 3 days he has to go up to his room and sit on his bed. He is allowed to eat dinner,  then take a bath and go to bed. That is all go to school sit on his bed then go to bed. It wouldn’t be so hard to take if it happened to the other two children, but the middle child has always been treated treated so much harder. And I won’t get in to the Rheumatologist until October 11th which has been so hard doing the work here with my foot so painful. I’m just so tired of of feeling hopeless on so many fronts at one time.  I do know things always look bleakest before the dawn. So Dear Lord bring on my mourning.

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11 thoughts on “I’m trying

  1. I had a flashback to my own childhood reading about your grandson. I’m sorry to hear that this punishment is going on so long.

    I’m very sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I hope God swings open a window for you very soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too, flashed back to childhood. I was a middle child. I wish parents could understand the psychological and emotional damage they do to their children.
    And yes, you’re right. It’s always darkest before the dawn. It’s just…sometimes, it seems like morning will never come. I understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember very little from my childhood, but occasionally bits and pieces come to me. What I remember is horrible. I’m sorry things are so difficult for you right now. It’s easier said than done, but just take it one day at a time.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Great blog! I wanted to say my life is so similar just a different situation. I so relate to you and your thoughts, I too must have something to learn in the situation I’m in because I have not been able to move forward. I also feel I worked hard my entire life and now I have nothing to show for it I have to literally start from scratch. This was supposed to be my sweet time in life where I reap the rewards of all my hard work, not so much. I feel hopeless on so many fronts but what keeps me going is my faith in a God who loves me. He sees all our struggles, He knows our hearts and He still answers prayers. 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well it’s kinda not mine but God’s scripture. The cool thing is that none of it is copyrighted as God does not care about sales royalties. His readings are a free invitation to His kingdom which is not of this word. In his writings Paul repeatedly tells us that our sufferings unite us with Christ and that we become sons and daughters of Him and we are promised a place at His side. Yes, it is promised. For my own faith I have committed to hand writing the New Testament. I try to do a page or two a day. I have completed Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans and I Corinthians. My goal is to be finished in 4 months. In my darkest hours I go to Utube and play “There Will Be A Day” by Jeremy Camp. It always brings me out of my body into God’s embrace and my tears of comfort and joy flow freely down my face. Regards…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know so well how much the Lord loves me, I am a believer too and think about Paul’s suffering. I read and study every night, God has been by my side these last years or I wouldn’t still be here. As I live in pain most of the time, I get tired sometimes then I think of Paul and how much he did in spite of pain. He learned to be content in any circumstance. I am happy you have been writing the New Testament. That is a great way to learn His Word. Thank you Carl for your encouragement.

        Liked by 1 person

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