Well I’ve taken some time to really think about my mom and our relationship and decided I was being pretty judgemental about her. I always wanted to be closer to her, but she and I were both bipolar and neither of us realized it back in the 60’s. So we both had our own issues going on. And the biggest issue was my moms childhood which was pretty traumatic for her. At the age of two she had a bottom tooth that abscessed on a weekend night. Back then then there were not antibiotics to treat such things. So they called the doctor out on Sat. night and he came over a little bit inebriated and forgot to wash his hands. By the time they got her to the hospital  her lower jaw was all infected and she was to sick to be operated on. The doctors were afraid she would die if they went in to remove her jaw. They thought every day she would just die and would be spared more trauma. After a week of her parents begging the doctors to save her they finally removed her lower jawbone and miracle she lived.  Now that she had survived her mouth was on the side of her face.  So in a little town in Texas  the doctors tied something that hadn’t been done before end to end grafting. They would take bone out of her hip to make her a jaw. It was a process that tookuntil she was 18 to complete, taking 4 months for each graft to heal. When they would graft it her head would be in a football helmet with her mouth wired shut and couldn’t open to eat for 4months at a time.  She could only drink through a straw and would have to learn to eat all over each time. Then they would have to wait each time for it to heal as well as her hip. It took all of her childhood to give her a jaw.  All those years she was made fun of while going to school, and feeling like an outcast. Of course she was spoiled rotten by her parents and nine siblings. And I have felt bad for judging her because I never had to walk in her shoes. I am not sure how damaged she was after all those years and  but I think maybe she was doing the best she could. I love you mom!


3 thoughts on “Judgemental

  1. You recognize the trauma your mama went through. It’s impossible to know how things that happen to us in childhood affect us throughout our entire lives. Maybe you were too quick to judge but both of you being bi-polar, it was probably a losing battle from the beginning. Wanting to be close to your mama, I can understand but even if that didn’t happen, you are astute enough to understand what she went through and give her some wiggle room. I think (from personal experience with my own children) we think mamas are supposed to be made of steel….and always be there for us….and always be what we want them to be. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out that way.


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