Validation

I got a phone call from my brother today. He is a preacher and lives in Dallas and had been in town to preach a funeral for for a high school classmate here in Houston. He didn’t have time to stop and see me so he called on his way home. I am pretty used to him being in s hurry and not getting time to see me. But it is what he wanted to talk about was the girl who had died that surprised me. He started by saying she had a very hard life and had written a book about her childhood. Then he said it, for the first time in my life he said I thought of you as I read it and how bad mom treated you. I never knew he was aware or knew the difference in the way she treated us. I was shocked he he was admitting to it at all. My mom had a beauty shop and one day as I was in the front in the reception room, and heard a woman say well Ava is your step daughter right? Mom said no and thought it was funny. I remember her saying in the shop how when she almost died once that she knew the good Lord spared her so her son could be a preacher. It was so validating to hear him acknowledge my pain finally. So, I guess I should be healed now huh!

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15 thoughts on “Validation

  1. Is your mama still alive? I find that validation (if it comes) always comes too late. He could have been your protector but chose to remain silent.
    I’m glad you appreciate his validation….for me….it would be worthless.

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    1. No Laurel she has been dead 31yrs. I felt validation only because he finally stated the obvious, and I realized he knew it all along. As far as healing from it not so much. He might have helped me heal all those years ago, when I really needed it. Like when my moms last words to me were “who’s that jackass over there”. But he didn’t and I tried to heal on my own. It is still a work in progress, but God is in my life now and I finally feel his love.

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      1. All I ever got from my sisters was “you deserved everything you got.”
        I chose to delete them from my life because I don’t need their validation. God used to be in my life but no more. I gave up.

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      2. Don’t ever give up sweetheart, you still have time to heal and live a good life. And remember God hasn’t given up on you. There are many of us out here who want you to have a better life, because you deserve it. Don’t let the evil N to destroy you, they have already taken enough from us.

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  2. I liked that your brother admitted it. But yes, during all those years the horrible treatment took place he could have intervened. Same here on my end. My brother didn’t actually admit something to me but when I complained to him he confirmed that I was right. It’s something. Maybe more will come from these small steps for both of us. It’s a start.

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  3. Mothers can sure do the slice-n-dice. I’m glad your brother opened that door. Maybe y’all should make a date to have a meaningful conversation about it.

    I wish I had someone in my extended family who had any idea what my mother is really like. To them, she comes off as an angel. So I totally get how good it must feel to have your brother give witness to your lived experience.

    Even when we give our grief up to God, we on earth still have to live with the pain. We have no tools for understanding people who pull the wings off butterflies, just as our mothers pulled the wings off of us. What mother would not delight in her children? Didn’t Eve love both Cain and Abel, even though they were so incredibly different? Of course she did. And yet there seem to be so many cruel mothers. Why do you think that is? I can’t fathom it, especially after raising an autistic son who was and still is very difficult to mother, but I love him just the same.

    ((Gentle hugs))

    Laura

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  4. I agree Laura, I never understood my mom. But it made me a better mom from it. My boys have always known I love them and am proud of them. And everyone thought my mom was wonderful, but she was bipolar like me and she had her own battles to fight.

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  5. In the bible God says that your father and your mother may forsake you but that he will never forsake you. Unfortunately we humans sin and can be so cruel sometimes, the good thing is that God also said that anything meant for bad he can turn into good for those that love him. I don’t think God is ever late, his timing is perfect. If he had your brother say it now it’s for a reason, trust God’s timing. Because everything that happened to you in the way it did it made you the person you are today. You even said it yourself you are a better mom because of it. Keep your focus on Jesus and not on people, ask Jesus to heal your wounds. May God bless you.

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    1. I know this and have found the love I craved in him. I think the sad little girl in me came out in me when he said that. A few days latter I wrote Judgemental because that is what I was being and was convicted from what I wrote.

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